Quinn has just told Nan about the professorís latest thesis.
Quinn suddenly slows, spotting someone ahead through the moving mass of students. Wing and Nan follow his line of sight ... and GROAN.
NAN (worried frown) That bookís not on the class list, is it? QUINN Nah, Iím just reading it for fun
ANGLE ON A GROUP OF GIRLS chatting together in gossipy tones beside a drinking fountain. At the center of the group is STEPHANIE, a beautiful, long-legged blonde, the center of Quinnís riveted, heart pounding attention.
Wing and Nan know exactly what Quinn is thinking and they can see that heís weak in the knees.
Quinn didnít even hear the emphatic dual response. He is transfixed on his goddess.
WING Gonna try again? QUINN (transfixed) Should I? WING/ZACHERY No.
Quinn gathers his courage and makes a beeline for the girls. Stephanieís nosy friend BETH sees him coming and alerts her chatty cohorts...
QUINN I canít help myself. Iím a slave to love.
Quinn approaches, masking his nervousness; the girls turn as one, to face him.
BETH Uh-oh, here comes the cute dweeb again.
Stephanie doesnít budge, remaining smack in the middle of her core of friends. Quinnís heart races as he realizes heís going to have to do this with a hostile audience.
QUINN Morning ladies. BETH Morning dweeb. QUINN Stephanie, uh, could I have a word with you? STEPHANIE Sure. Whatís up?
Quinn hesitates, knowing Beth has no use for him.
QUINN Well I... I uh... Iíve been thinking Iíd like to get to know you better -- BETH (under her breath) -- What a surprise. QUINN -- And I was wondering... wondering if I could take you to dinner... uh.. Friday night? STEPHANIE Iím real flattered and all Quinn, but I have a date Friday. QUINN Saturday? STEPHANIE Another date. QUINN Sunday? STEPHANIE Study session. QUINN Monday? STEPHANIE Alf reruns. I never miss Alf. BETH Youíre running out of days Mallory. Try lunch instead.
Quinn walks away to the tittering sound of giggles behind him. He puts on a brave face for his friends...
QUINN How bout lunch? STEPHANIE I donít eat lunch. BETH She doesnít eat lunch. QUINN Ever? BETH Ever. STEPHANIE But thanks for asking. Iím really very flattered.
Quinn keeps on walking, right out the door. His friends look to one another; theyíre not buying it.
WING So? Howíd it go? QUINN Not bad. I think sheís starting to come around.
[Quinn drives through the green light]
SPACEMAN ...Guys who bitch and moan about feminists are insecure jerks if you ask me. Face it, men have been rigging the game for centuries -- and now that women are kicking ass across the board, most male morons are so threatened, they just canít face the fact that the gals are whupping them!
Quinn frowns, glancing at the radio.
SPACEMAN Well the news of the day is good and bad. The good news is the Brooklyn Dodgers lost again last night and you know how much I hate The Dodgers. The bad news is President Dukakis says heís gonna seek another term.
Quinn stares at the radio with deeply puzzled frown as he slows to a stop before a red light at a quieter intersection.
SPACEMAN Now donít get me wrong - the Dukeís been okay, but I was hoping theyíd convince Jack Kennedy to make a run for it. Apparently JFKís enjoying his retirement a little too much and doesnít need the hassle of a campaign. And who can blame him -- if I was married to Marilyn Iíd probably never get out of bed!
[Quinn gets honked at and slowly makes his way through the intersection]
QUINN Weird, Spaceman... Weird and not real funny.
[a second later, Quinn sees the Elvis billboard]
SPACEMAN In local news, Mayor Reagan vows to bring law and order back to our streets by -- get this -- allowing private citizens to own handguns! (biting, sarcastic) Great idea Ronny. Thatís all we need, guns in everyoneís home! A few more proposals like that and itís back to sitcoms. I always liked him better than Tom Bosley anyway -- to me thereís only one Mister C and thatís Ron Reagan -- enough said!
The scene that appears in the episode has Quinn returning to school where Arturo is mad at him.
[Bennish] keeps going. Soon the completely puzzled Quinn is the only one left in the room besides Arturo. The Professor has filled his briefcase and is striding up the aisle toward the door -- his route will take him right past Quinn.
BENNISH Whoa dude -- I hink Arturoís a pompous windbag too, but Iíd never have the guts to say it to his face! Bigtime congrats, stud-man!
Arturo stops before Quinn, his eyes full of fire.
QUINN Professor, I couldnít wait to tell you; Iíve made the most incredible discovery --
Arturo struts by, on his way to the door.
ARTURO -- I donít care how old you are -- you ever call me a pinhead again, weíll settle it outside!
The livid professor exits, leaving Quinn completely at a loss. INTERIOR. UNIVERSITY HALLWAY -- DAY -- QUINN STEPS OUT into the hallway, dazed and confused. It seems other students are noticing him, whispering amongst themselves -- what is going on? Quinn shrugs it off to paranoia until he sees Stephanie approaching... and actually looking his way. In fact, she leaves friend Bethís side and makes a beeline for Quinn.
QUINN But... but I -- ARTURO (at door, spinning around) And you think youíve had more women than me?! I once dated Sandy Duncan -- letís see you top that!
She slaps him. WHISTLES and GROANS resound from nearby students.
QUINN Hi Stephanie --
She pirouettes and returns to Beth -- who shoots Quinn a profound look of disapproval -- and the two girls move off down the hall. Quinn is still frowning and rubbing his cheek, when a sad sack student also goes out of his way to voice a complaint.
STEPHANIE My butt is NOT your personal property mister! Try that again and youíll meet my knee, up close and personal.
He walks on, indignant. Quinn wonders if this is all a bad dream -- he has little time to ponder -- TWO BURLY SECURITY GUARDS have spotted him from down the hall, and theyíre heading his way.
SAD SACK Thanks a lot, Quinn. Next time YOU need to borrow a quarter, Iíll laugh in your face too!
INTERIOR. DEANíS OFFICE -- CLOSE ON MRS. GRAHAM the dean, a scholarly black woman in her early forties. She is reading from a list, occasionally lowering her glasses to glance across her desk at Quinn, who is seated before her.
SECURITY GUARD You better come with us, son. QUINN Where? SECURITY GUARD Deanís office. Youíre in a trough-load of trouble, boy.
Quinn looks down, shakes his head, desperately trying to figure this nightmare out.
MRS. GRAHAM Student Mallory seen pouring soy sauce in the water cooler... Student Mallory seen juggling frozen frogs in the science lab... Student Mallory seen painting mustache on portrait of dean in main hallway (raised eyebrows) Do I look good with a mustache Mr. Mallory? QUINN I wouldnít know, Mrs. Graham. Believe me, I didnít do it. MRS. GRAHAM I can round up two dozen witnesses whoíll say you did. Will that be necessary.
She doesnít need to finish the sentence, he gets the picture
MRS. GRAHAM (CONTíD) Iím quite surprised at this behavior Quinn -- until now youíve been a model student. (thoughtful sigh) Letís just say youíve had a bad day -- a VERY bad day -- and are now on probation. One more such incident, and...
INTERIOR. POLI-SCI CLASS -- DAY -- QUINN SITS NEAR THE BACK of a crowded classroom thatís in the midst of a written exam. He is having trouble concentrating -- his mind still racing in circles from the bizarre events of the day.
The door opens and the security guard who apprehended him earlier walks in, his eyes scanning the room. Quinn dreads whatís coming... when the manís eyes find his desk, his search is ended.
Quinn points at his own chest, as if to say ďme?Ē The guard takes great pleasure in nodding deliberately and beckoning Quinn with his index finger.
INTERIOR HALLWAY -- ON QUINN AND THE GUARD exiting the classroom.
SECURITY GUARD Gotta hand it to ya kid, donít know how you pulled it off. QUINN What? SECURITY GUARD Runniní Dean Grahamís bra up the flagpole.
[The next scene has Quinn returning to the computer store where Wade is shocked to see him because Hurley fired him earlier]
SECURITY GUARD (CONíT) Cheer up Mallory -- sure youíre expelled but at least youíre goiní out a legend!
The professor leans his head back and catches a glimpse of something large bearing down on them from behind.
Quinn and Wade strain to look backwards -- their eyes go wide at the sight!
ARTURO Thereís -- thereís something -- COMING AFTER US!!
THEIR POINT OF VIEW: an ice blue Cadillac is streaking their way with a terrified, wailing Rembrandt Brown at the wheel.
Wade, Quinn and Arturo cringe and flail their arms to get out of harmís way as the Caddy jets toward them. It passes under Wadeís legs, past Quinnís back and just over Arturoís head.
Moving twice their speed, Rembrandtís car rockets on toward the prism of light now visible in the distance.
CLOSE ON REMBRANDT howling like a banshee, locked in a state of panicky disbelief, his hands glued to the steering column. To his utter horror, the Caddy begins to tumble end over end (R.B. held in by his seatbelt) as it beelines for the increasingly brilliant prism of light.
THE CADILLAC enters the prism and rights itself again, much to the relief of the hysterical Rembrandt -- but his heart drops into his feet as gravity kicks in with a vengeance and the Caddy plummets straight down through a wall of multi-colored lightning, faster than any roller coaster known to man!
EXTERIOR. STREET WHERE QUINN LIVES -- NIGHT -- THE CADDY lands with a thump in the exact same spot it was enveloped, but this time on a parallel Earth. The wheels are still turning, engine still going, car still in drive; before Rembrandt can thank his lucky stars for a safe landing, he has to deal with the fact that heís careening down a slippery street at forty-five miles an hour with his feet nowhere near the pedals!
As he scrambles to find the breaks he notes three things: 1. itís very cold. 2. the street lights are not working -- 3. HEíS HEADING STRAIGHT FOR AN ICEBERG THATíS INEXPLICABLY DEAD AHEAD IN THE ROAD!!
His eyes pop out of his head -- he slams on the brakes -- itís way too late -- he closes his eyes!
ANGLE ON THE CADDY making a screeching skid into the wall of ice and hitting it head on with A TRAGIC CRUNCHING THUD.
Unhurt but pissed to the point of tears, Rembrandt sees that the front of his beloved car is caved in and embedded in ice, looking like a giant blueberry popsicle.
[The next scene has the other three sliders landing in Quinnís basement and the following scenes come off basically as they are seen in the episode.]
[The cab then reaches the toll booth -- you know the rest]
RADIO SPORTSCASTER (O.S.) The Houston Cosmonauts failed to score in the first, San Francisco Reds coming to bat. Tonightís game is brought to you by Red Bear Beer -- when quotas are reached, reach for a Red Bear. [Remmyís confused] RADIO SPORTSCASTER (O.S.) ... and in case you hadnít heard, shortstop Veektor Jones has been sent to the Reds minor league reeducation camp where he will be punished for his mistakes. Jonesí three errors last night were a disgrace to himself, his family and the entire Reds organization. Perhaps a windowless cell in Pheonix will allow Comrade Jones the time to ponder how to properly field a ground ball.
They pass a barricaded street corner, guarded by armed soldiers, German shepherds and a barbed wire perimeter. Curiosity gets the best of them and they slow to take a quick look at whatís just past the blockade.
A clean-up crew is busily wiping graffiti off a series of walls -- the graffiti is red, white and blue and prominently features a defiant American eagle, wings spread, talons clutching a flock of arrows.
The words FREEDOM... LIBERTY... 1776... REBELLION... and JUSTICE have been spray painted alongside a surrealistic rendition of the stars and stripes.
A painted face is drawing special attention from the clean-up crew -- they are furiously painting it over but we can see it is an aged man with long hair tied back in what looks like a pony tail.
A SOLDIER spots the Sliders gawking and moves toward them with aggresive intent.
And they do so with little hesitation, moving down the block again, speaking in carefully hushed voices.
SOLDIER What do you think youíre looking at? Get moving!
They are approaching a crowd on the steps of city hall, gathered to award a top student.
ARTURO That face theyíre rubbing out... it looked familiar somehow. WADE It looked a lot like Barbara Bush. QUINN I think itís George Washington. WADE That would explain it.
The crowd applauds as Quinnís friend Wing is given a red sash and a golden whistle.
CITY OFFICIAL ... And it is my honor to bestow this Red Badge Of Courage to citizen student Vladimir Tolstoy Wing, who had the fortitude to blow the whistle on his counter- revolutionary parents.
A tough old lady SHOUTS OUT from the back of the crowd.
ARTURO Itís Wing! QUINN Vladimir Tolstoy Wing?
The crowd of loyal, obedient citizens are aghast.
OLD LADY His parents were good people, good Americans!
[This seen is shown in the episode but the song in question was overdubbed with cries of protest] With startling swiftness, a black sedan pulls up and four KGB types jump out. The tough old girl is belting out ďGod Bless AmericaĒ as they whisk her into the idling vehicle. The burly KGB men slam the doors and the car streaks away.
OLD LADY (CONíT) Heís a traitor -- heís a rat!!
She quietly sidles over to Quinn and Arturo, who have turned their attention to the timer/gizmo...
[From there, Arturo suggests they find Rembrandt and that scene plays out in the episode, however in the script, itís not a Kielbasa vendor that leads the sliders to safety, itís a Russian history museum clerk -- after the three flee the phone company agents]
QUINN The timer has a built in regenerative processor. ARTURO Clever touch, my boy. QUINN [It] may eventually recharge, giving us one chance to recreate the gate -- but it also might blow out the system for good. Weíd be marooned here forever.